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  #11  
Old 02-18-2009, 02:39 PM
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give us some more!
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  #12  
Old 03-27-2009, 04:23 PM
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good stuff,,,more please
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  #13  
Old 03-31-2009, 05:18 PM
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This joke is called "Chunks', A man goes to a bar, named Barron, tells barkeep gimme beer for each hand. After 4 hours barkeep says here Barron have a double shot on the house, Barron says keepem coming, my wife left me for a woman, , few more hours go by, barkeep tells Barron give me your keys for your car your in no condition to drive home. Barron says im fine, leaves and, comes back next day, and says barkeep, gimme a coke, a coke hes says dam Barron you drank 2 cases of beer and one bottle wild turkey, now a coke? Well, yes i went home and blew CHUNKS. Barkeep, who by the way was CALI, says, that understandable, drinking all that liquor, will make you blow chunks, no CALI, you misunderstand, CHunks is my Dog that my roast for Barron 2nite
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  #14  
Old 03-31-2009, 07:41 PM
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Q: What did the transvestite get arrested for ????

A: Male fraud.
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  #15  
Old 04-01-2009, 08:52 PM
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A BLONDE gets a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh....she says if you put your ear next to it...you can actually smell the fish!!
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Old 04-01-2009, 08:55 PM
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PRAYER of the DAY: May the crabs of a thousand whores infest the crotch of the person who ****s up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch!!
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  #17  
Old 04-08-2009, 08:00 PM
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From the new hand nicknames department…AK: Anna Kournikova. Looks great. Never wins.

A man comes home…from his weekly poker game late. His annoying wife is waiting for him. “Where the heck have you been?”
“Sorry, but I lost you in a poker game. You’ll have to leave.”
“How did you manage that, you fool?”
“It wasn’t easy. I had to fold a royal flush.”

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"



lee jones

Last edited by rockthrower; 04-08-2009 at 10:02 PM.
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  #18  
Old 08-01-2009, 10:38 PM
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Lil johnny was at school when the teacher was going to work on the alphabet with her students. What she would do is pic a student and they would give a word for the letter they were told to do. The 1st letter was A and lil johnnys hand Shot up in the air. The teacher thought to herself " i cant pick johnny he would probably say a dirty word like he always does" and picked mary. Mary said "A is for apple teacher".
Very good said the teacher, now who wants to do B....Lil johnnys hand was the 1st one up! Teacher again thought "B is no good johnny will say bitch or some other word. so she picked Billy. "B is for ball" billy said. Lil johnnys hand went up for every letter but the teacher passed him up every time until she was almost to the end and thought " i have to pick him sooner or later" The next letter was W and again Johnnys hand was the 1st up. Well she thought , whore is not that bad a word so i guess i can pick Lil Johnny this time" Ok Johnny what word is for W? W is for Woom, said Lil Johnny. The teacher said " thats very good Lil Johnny you mean womb. like the womb you came from? Lil Johnny said " O no teacher woom .. Like in 2 elephants f**king woom woom woom!
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  #19  
Old 10-26-2009, 02:45 PM
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Ok everyone..Dave sends me some real doozies! Hers on I recieved today. I HAD to show you all!
Thank you Dave

Never argue with a Woman



One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside

cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,

And begins to read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.



Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says,

' Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing? '



'Reading a book, ' she replies, (thinking, ' Isn't that obvious? ' )



'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area, ' he informs her.



'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing.. I'm reading. '



'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could start at any moment.

I'll have to take you in and write you up. '



'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault, ' says the woman.



'But I haven't even touched you, ' says the Game Warden.



'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. '



'Have a nice day ma'am, ' and he left.



MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think..



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  #20  
Old 10-26-2009, 02:48 PM
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Here is my absolute favorite Dave has sent me. Yes dave..I saved it! hehehe
Enjoy!

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome", that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

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Last edited by CaliNaughti; 10-26-2009 at 02:51 PM.
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