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  #1  
Old 06-22-2008, 10:46 AM
KILLERPOT
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Funny Jokes

Swearing

A 6 year-old tells his 4 year-old brother "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 Year-olds nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.' ok?" The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."



WHACK!!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."
- She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know, but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."
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  #2  
Old 06-22-2008, 10:49 AM
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Now that is some funny stuff right there.
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  #3  
Old 06-22-2008, 10:52 AM
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Funny Chinese Sick Leave

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick, Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.

That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon ......... You got nice house."
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  #4  
Old 06-22-2008, 10:53 AM
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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  #5  
Old 06-23-2008, 07:37 PM
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Funny Fast Sex

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...'The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!' Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.' She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend... So she called him and explained the situation.


Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks 'What happened...?' Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all
quarters!'
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
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  #6  
Old 06-26-2008, 10:31 AM
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Default Grannies On the Road

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?" The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127."

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  #7  
Old 08-21-2008, 07:06 PM
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Funny Can you pecker touch your @ss?

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together,
when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.

The little boy asks: ‘Can I have a beer Grandpa?’ Grandpa replies: ‘Can
your pecker touch your ass?’ The little boy answered: No Grandpa, it’s
just a little pecker’.

Gramps says: ‘well then, you’re not man enough to have a beer’.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

The little boy asks: ‘Can I have a cigar Grandpa?’ Once again, Grandpa
asks: ‘Can your pecker touch your ass?’ Once again the little boy replies,
‘No, it’s too little.’ Grandpa replies: ‘Then you’re not man enough
to have a cigar’.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some
cookies.

Grandpa asks: ‘Hey, there young feller, can I have a cookie?’ The boy
asks: ‘Can your pecker touch your ass?’

Gramps replies: ‘Hell yes, my
pecker can touch my ass.’

The little boy replies: ‘Then go f#$%
yourself. Grandma made these for me’.
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  #8  
Old 11-12-2008, 04:17 PM
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Now that is some funny chit there.
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  #9  
Old 02-13-2009, 02:29 PM
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A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the home-owner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both..
Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck - he was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.

'Be strong.. I love you, too!'
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  #10  
Old 02-14-2009, 07:34 PM
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SickFish this is some good Stuff
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