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  #21  
Old 12-23-2009, 10:29 AM
phishfinder2 phishfinder2 is offline
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Juicy Joke


A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: “You Got Male”
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  #22  
Old 12-23-2009, 11:30 AM
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i like it,,,,hahahah
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  #23  
Old 02-03-2010, 11:44 PM
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Funny

A man goes out golfing.

He is on the second hole when
He notices a frog sitting next to
The green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."


The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, heh?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!

Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."


They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table,

The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom!

Tons of cash comes sliding back across
The table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.

"And that

is how the girl ended up in my room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."
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  #24  
Old 02-27-2010, 06:50 PM
KMCWA KMCWA is offline
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Default

That is some funny chit ya'll. Keep em comin!!
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  #25  
Old 02-28-2010, 09:02 PM
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instigater1 instigater1 is offline
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Default Be Careful!

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer one and pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife (who is no dummy) thinks to herself, 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.' She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!' He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at Noon.. Closed coffin.
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  #26  
Old 02-28-2010, 09:09 PM
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Default Onestone

The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!








Why ???








OH, come on... take a guess !!!








Think about it !!!








You're going to love this !!!








Everyone knows...


You can't kill Two Birds


with OneStone!!!
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  #27  
Old 02-28-2010, 09:15 PM
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Default Getting Even

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it
does most of you,
is to sit down at the dinner table only to be
interrupted by a phone
call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such
occasion, to try to be
as irritating as they were to me. The call was from
AT&T and it went
something like this:

(swallowing)
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron
please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5
minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I
ate my salad. Much
to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they
were still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested
but thanks for
calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't
think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not
interested", but
this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a
minute, 24 hours
a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of
10 cents a minute
but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly
see that it was
time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a
little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my
interest) Yes sir
that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's
amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or
just one big one
at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if
you send an annual
check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours
a day, 7 days a
week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day,
$1,008 per week and
$52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how
you will be making
payment.

AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You
pay us 10 cents a
minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me
10 cents a
minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that
you'll give me
10
cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute?
Is this some kind
of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about
things like this in
the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien
brainwashing techniques on
me.

AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute
for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor
please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting
cold. I begin to
eat
while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a
few minutes and
while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite
understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was
all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to
produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get
back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to
the person who
was
helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more
mouthfuls. I needed to
end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an
aggravated but polite
voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are
interested in signing
up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because
you can never
have
enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really
like to have a
little brother...
AT&T: (click)
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  #28  
Old 03-06-2010, 07:58 PM
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A blind man wanders into a lesbian biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you
are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

'Nah... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
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  #29  
Old 03-07-2010, 04:19 PM
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rduckham rduckham is offline
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Amusing A New Joke

How are politicians similar to the birth of an elephant:

It is always accompanied by a great deal of roaring and screaming,

and it takes 2 years to produce results.
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  #30  
Old 03-07-2010, 04:24 PM
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rduckham rduckham is offline
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Fyi Joke

The Republican Party is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of shit when you least expect it.

Last edited by rduckham; 03-08-2010 at 09:54 AM.
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